<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>electrify my heart by rosegoldblood</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25070761">electrify my heart</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosegoldblood/pseuds/rosegoldblood'>rosegoldblood</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Percy Jackson and the Olympians &amp; Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Explicit Language, M/M, Percico Angst &amp; Fluff Month 2020, Post-Canon, Slow Burn, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, and italics, its 16k of build up and 2k of the actual story climax, liberal use of parentheses and commas, this is shitty</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 02:33:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>18,583</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25070761</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosegoldblood/pseuds/rosegoldblood</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>sometimes the scars that hurt the most aren't even scars - not in the usual sense, that is.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Nico di Angelo/Percy Jackson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>96</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>electrify my heart</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>anyway this is for percico angst and fluff month. the prompts are: sunburn // "how did you get this scar?" // soulmate marks. i did the last two. please consider joining this event if you like the ship, and i hope you enjoy!</p><p>there's also some mentioned hazel/annabeth, but it's not a major part of the story.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>nico was scowling, as always.</p><p> </p><p>"this is stupid," he said, perhaps for the third time that afternoon, "you - this is pointless! you could've handled everything yourself." his face was shadowed, hair sweeping over his forehead and half-covering his eyes as he gripped his horse's harness in his hands. the horse itself, a mare named cupid with glossy black fur, snorted and tossed her head like she knew nico was talking shit about her.</p><p> </p><p>"i'm sorry, nico, it's just that the cars were broken, and the pegasi are all out or busy." percy didn't know why he was explaining - he had, already, about a dozen times, to soothe nico as he frowned and whined like a child. "and no, i couldn't have. you were really useful." this didn't seem to calm nico down, but he did soften. "and cupid likes you... i'm sure."</p><p> </p><p>nico's lip curled. "<em>cupid</em>," he said with distaste, jerking the reigns to make the horse speed up. she did, with much disdain and an irritated insult that percy didn't bother to translate, "what a son of a... gun. i feel sorry for you," he told the horse, stroking her mane, "being named after that asshole." </p><p> </p><p>cupid the horse neighed happily, speeding up to a faster trot to appease nico as thanks for the compliment. percy's horse, rainbow, sped up to try to compete. he persuaded the horse to slow down once they caught up. "i still don't understand why you hate him so much. what'd he do to you in - was it italy?"</p><p> </p><p>"yes, it was." nico didn't answer the first question, and percy gave it up. the last thing he wanted to was get nico riled up again.</p><p> </p><p>"so, neeks..." nico tensed up at the nickname, glaring, before staring straight ahead again. "do you have your soulmark yet?" percy grinned at the blush spreading over nico's face as he gripped at the reigns and sped up. "aw, come on, you don't have to be shy about it."</p><p> </p><p>"'m not," he snapped, but there was an underlying layer of sadness beneath it, "if you must ask, no, i haven't. i'm not meant for anyone." cupid rocked back and forth and whinnied like she intended to comfort the boy sitting on her saddle. "tch. as if anyone would want me. not at camp, anyway. i'm thinking of leaving."</p><p> </p><p>percy's mouth fell open, and his heart started aching like something was squeezing it. "but... the war's over. i thought maybe you'd settle in. we want you there, trust me." he didn't know whether that was true for the other demigods, but it was true for himself, and everyone at camp loved percy so much they'd probably agree. "you should stay."</p><p> </p><p>"i don't fit in."</p><p> </p><p>percy snorted. "yes you do. don't be stubborn, nico." they kept on along the path, getting closer to the camp with every minute. "i'm serious. you should stay. you saved the world and all that... they like you, i'm sure. what would you do out there, alone, anyway?" </p><p> </p><p>nico shrugged, and to percy's surprise, there wasn't any trace of anger in his face. something softer, like sorrow, or regret. "dunno. anything i want to do." </p><p> </p><p>"you could do that at camp," percy protested, "you wouldn't have to join classes or anything. not even the practices or games, i swear. you can do anything you want, as long as you come back to the same cabin every day." he flushed at how cheesy it sounded, but the other didn't notice. </p><p> </p><p>"leave it alone, percy," nico murmured, going to cross his arms before realising that he was, in fact, on a horse, hands shooting out to grab the rope again. cupid jerks her head and mocks him (again, percy doesn't bother to translate), before sensing his desperation and speeding up to leave percy and rainbow in the dust. the stallion neighed competitively and trotted ahead as well.</p><p> </p><p>it was silent after that, until they got to camp and nico slid off cupid's back, making a beeline for his cabin. </p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>the hades cabin was dark, and nico was half out the window. percy wasn't sure why he was surprised. "where are you going?" he asked, trying to keep his voice quiet, settling down onto the bed and running his hands over the blanket, which was as stiff as a board. "don't tell me you're leaving." </p><p> </p><p>nico turns back, eyes full of determination and a hint of apology. "i have to. i'm not meant to be here." his foot caught in the ledge of the window as he stared out and into the night, unblinking white stars, like salt scattered across black. a familiar sword was strapped across his waist along with a small backpack that percy guessed was filled with hardly anything. "and i'm searching... for something."<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>percy tilted his head in question. "it's none of your business," nico snapped, sitting down on the ledge. percy stood up to sit next to him. </p><p> </p><p>"it isn't," he admitted, "sorry." they sat in silence for a while. nico stared up at the sky, like he wanted to look at everywhere but percy. his fingers were pressing against something on his bicep, rubbing up and down. "what about your soulmate?"</p><p> </p><p>nico sent him a strange look, like he wasn't sure why it mattered. "maybe he's out there somewhere," he replied, although it was clear he was just trying to humour percy, back hunched as if he were trying to curl into himself. "you... don't have your mark yet."</p><p> </p><p>"i don't," percy confirmed, nodding his head like a funko pop bobble-head, "but i'm sure i will. soon. i mean, annabeth has one, so." nico looked unconvinced. "she showed me, it's on the small of her back. right where my, you know, former spot was. and it's a horse, like a stick figure one." he traced the pattern into his arm. "there's no way i'm not hers."</p><p> </p><p>"mmhmm," nico said noncommittally, "no way..."</p><p> </p><p>more silence. the wind blew through the leaves on the trees, the eerie rustling echoing through the air. percy wondered why the harpies hadn't come to have them for dinner yet, but he supposed they were the saviours of the world. hero privileges, he vaguely recalled annabeth calling them.</p><p> </p><p>"anyway, i think i'll... be leaving now," nico announced, awkward in a sort of appealing way, "there's nothing left for me here. if i had already met my soulmate, i'm sure i would have known." percy opened his mouth to protest. "stop. you can't say otherwise. like i said, i'm searching for something, and no one will miss me." <em>i'll miss you. </em>"so, bye."</p><p> </p><p>"don't," percy said, voice weak, grabbing nico's wrist and toppling both of them into the bed. the latter growled in frustration, sitting up to leap out the window in way that reminded percy of a cat. he wrapped his arm around nico's waist, "don't <em>go! </em>you can't just keep running away! eventually you're going to have to learn how it feels to be at home."</p><p> </p><p>nico turned toward percy, slowly, eyes narrowed so much they were nearly slits. "don't. tell me about home," he said through gritted teeth, before the fight seemed to flood out of him. it was always like that, after the war. nico, snappish and grumpy and irritable, but he almost never had enough energy to keep it that way. "i don't know why you want me to stay anyway."</p><p> </p><p>"because you're my friend." the word seemed to resonate with nico, tensing up and fists curling. "and i want you here. and i want to be there for you. neeks, that's what friends do." nico softened, relaxing the tiniest bit, falling back onto the pillows. "stay for the night. and i'll make sure you stay tomorrow," he teased.</p><p> </p><p>"whatever." </p><p> </p><p>when he woke up, nico was gone, leaving nothing but a half-empty bed behind. percy wasn't sure why he was surprised.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>birds chirped and flew past the trees. percy dipped his toes into the water and looked up at the sky, bright blue and a tad bit cloudy, hot but not too hot. just the way he and everyone else at camp liked it. annabeth was settled into the grass next to him, blonde hair splayed out on the ground.</p><p> </p><p>"mmm..." annabeth stretched out on the grass, kicking off her shoes. "percy, i need to tell you something. it's about us." he jerked his head toward her, his heart skipping a beat. a lazy smile on his face despite the fact he kind of knew where the conversation was going. "well, more about my soulmark, really." her hands drifted to the small of her back, tugging it up just enough to run her hands over the pattern.</p><p> </p><p>"yeah, sure," percy murmured, threading his hands through the grass.</p><p> </p><p>she hesitated for a moment, which was a massive red flag - annabeth almost never hesitated. when she wanted to do something she did it, and nine out of ten times it had good outcomes because it was <em>annabeth. </em>"i was with hazel the other day. and you know how she didn't have her soulmark? well, when we were together, it was... she started... an owl appeared on her wrist."</p><p> </p><p>percy felt a flood of happiness rush through him before being replaced with a miserable sense of dread and panic. "oh," was all he said. it was like his heart was trying to split into tiny, different pieces - some wanted to be happy, congratulate her, some wanted to yell and scream and maybe kick a wall, some wanted to live in denial and beg her to stay.</p><p> </p><p>he wanted annabeth to be happy. he wanted himself to be happy, too, and percy didn't know if he could do that without her.</p><p> </p><p>when a pair of soulmates were born, one of them would have a mark, while the other didn't. soulmates were fated to meet and fall in love, and when they did, a soulmark would appear on the person that didn't have one. sometimes it took weeks, months, years after the falling-in-love for the mark to appear.</p><p> </p><p>that was why percy had been so... unfazed, when every day he woke up without a mark. </p><p> </p><p>there had been a valid excuse for it, a simple out. soulmarks were different for everyone, and it had been simple. but if hazel's own soulmark appeared while she was with annabeth, that really meant that they were meant for each other.</p><p> </p><p>"but you didn't..." percy's mouth was dry, and he had so many questions, so many that the only thing he could find in himself to do was to latch onto one. "i mean, you guys didn't... while we were..." his vocal cords had apparently decided to fail him, so percy just gestured between him and annabeth, whose eyes widened.</p><p> </p><p>"oh, no," annabeth replied quickly, "i mean, i was kind of just as surprised as you are. i even talked to the aphrodite kids..." a faint blush spread across his cheeks, and he could tell that she really loved hazel, that no matter how much percy might have loved her that they were meant to be together. and that there was probably someone else for him out there. "you're not - i know this is a lot to process, so i'll give you some time." she reached across to squeeze his hand before letting go. "and i'll <em>always </em>love you, seaweed brain."</p><p> </p><p>she reached across to pinch his cheek. "my seaweed brain." her voice was soft, filled with affection like it always was, except this time more... natural. no matter how much it hurt, it was fate, and it was inevitable.</p><p> </p><p>"my wise girl," he said back, just as softly, voice cracked on the last two words. annabeth smiled, the corners of her eyes narrowing with joy and relief, before standing up and with one last look backward heading toward the dining hall, where everyone remained oblivious. they wouldn't be for long, they'd know. that the golden couple were <em>over.</em></p><p> </p><p>they were over.</p><p> </p><p>percy laid back onto the grass, wiping away the stray tears streaking down his face. after that, his eyes were strangely dry, although his heart was heavy like a rock in his chest.  he felt himself sliding into the lake, and no one blinked an eye as percy relaxed into the water. it was like a second home to him, a home he could take wherever he wanted.</p><p> </p><p>something thumped against the grass, footsteps echoing around the lake. people were yelling, and percy grumbled, shoving fingers into his ears to block out the noise. probably another stupid occurrence at camp, like someone letting loose a flying toaster (nyssa) or pissing their pants right in the middle of the arena (malcolm). and while usually percy would be trying to commit it to memory (he still remembered poor malcom's face), he <em>really </em>wasn't in the mood.</p><p> </p><p>why couldn't people just let him wallow in misery alone? did the fates intentionally pick the most inopportune moment to let something chaotic happen at camp? because it sure did seem like it, with percy's track record so far. this time, he was determined to ignore it.</p><p> </p><p>"percy, percy!" someone was shaking his shoulder, and percy gritted his teeth. "god damn it, jackson, listen to me, will you?" it was the urgency in the person's voice that made him open his eyes. "oh, good. listen, it's nico!"</p><p> </p><p>he jerked up, eyes wide. with annabeth breaking up with him and leaving him for another girl, percy had barely had any time to think about nico leaving, or even to be sad about it. that's what the lingering feeling of sadness was, looking back on it. jesus, he was oblivious even to his own feelings.</p><p> </p><p>but the mention of him sent a jolt of fear and worry in his heart. "it's... he came back to camp just a minute ago. and he's really hurt," will solace continued, and percy snapped out of his own daze, "i don't know if he'll - well, he has a wound across his stomach. and he - he asked for you. he's in the infirmary -"</p><p> </p><p>percy was up on his feet in an instant, sprinting toward the infirmary. he heard the sound of will scrambling to keep up behind him as the medical bay came into view. people were gathered around it. the threat of nico's death had apparently made him very interesting among the other demigods.</p><p> </p><p>he pushed past the crowd and felt around for the metal handles, swinging the doors open behind him. "hey! no one's allowed to go in," will yelled, and upon the groaning of some people who had smaller injuries to attend to, he said, "sorry! i'm sorry. please just disperse and i'll try to help all of you out later."</p><p> </p><p>the infirmary was eerily empty, floor and walls white-tiled and scrubbed clean. percy veered to the left, tearing the curtain open to enter the space where the more major injuries were treated. </p><p> </p><p>"percy, you can't -" someone protested, but will was quick to excuse him. whoever they were backed off. everything was buzzing in percy's ears and it was annoying and loud and made him all the more panicked as he approached the bed.</p><p> </p><p>"nicky," his voice was even more broken, now, eyebrows furrowing with concern as he looked down at the boy. maybe he would've cringed at the sight, but it was like his brain was stuffed with cotton, and all percy could do was stare. across his stomach was a gaping wound, but it was almost impossible to tell where the bleeding was coming from because blood and flesh were scattered around it. flakes of skin were torn away and what was left was a mess of guts and muscle, pulsing and red.</p><p> </p><p>nico himself heaved and coughed up blood, eyes screwed shut in pain before he opened them. "don't call me that," he said, weakly, aggressive even in his weakest moments. it was what made him so endearing. hostile and violent in the way a street cat would be.</p><p> </p><p>percy couldn't help but laugh at this, although it was interrupted by a sob. "hey." he gripped nico's hand, tight in his, squeezing it until nico was coughing again. "don't you fucking dare die on me now, okay?" all he got in response was a laugh. "damn it, nico, i don't think i could handle it -"<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>"didn't expect you to care so much," nico murmured, their hands still wrapped in the other's, eyes bleary with tears. his stringy black hair was splayed out against the sheet. "it's a little comforting, i guess. you know, i... love you." silence. "just thought... you ought to know." he closed his eyes and stopped talking, hand going limp in percy's. </p><p> </p><p>"nico?" percy straightened to shake nico's shoulders, only stopping when he realised that maybe it wasn't good for the wound. "nico?" if he was awake percy doubt he would've heard, his voice barely above a whisper. no response. percy clenched his jaw as people pulled him out of the room. </p><p> </p><p>his eyes stayed locked on the veins running up nico's arms, thin and blue, prominent against his skin. a second later percy was forced onto the bed. someone was kneeling at his feet, eyes worried. percy went to say something, anything, to assure whoever it was that yes, he was okay, he just wanted to know if -</p><p> </p><p>everything went black.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>"percy! you're awake." it was kayla, sitting in the white bed next to his, filing her nails. her bow and a sheath of arrows were slung across her back. "good. was starting to get worried that you just went out on us there." she lifted her finger and bent it, as if to indicate a ghost floating up to elysium.</p><p> </p><p>"if i'm going down, kayla, i'm going down with a fight." percy rubbed at his eyes before everything came flooding back to him. "oh my gods, is nico -"</p><p> </p><p>kayla held up her hand and tossed her short, green-dyed hair, tucking the nail file behind her ear. "he's alive," she said, and nothing else. percy waited for her to continue, for the ball to drop, for the little <em>but </em>that always made itself present whenever things started looking up for percy. but kayla didn't look concerned. "...is there something else you want me to say?"</p><p> </p><p>"i just..." percy stared at his hands and the blue-ish veins, how they were so striking with nico and yet so... drained. nico's whole body was an indication to how tired the poor kid was, how he had nothing left to give. "he said he loved me."</p><p> </p><p>the phrase wasn't exactly unfamiliar to him. percy loved, and he loved a lot, so he said it to almost anyone. his mother, annabeth, his friends. even his father, at one point, because he was done being petty when he could just be <em>better. </em>but to have nico, out of all people, say that to him -</p><p> </p><p>it sounded strange coming out of his mouth. something so sentimental and sweet didn't belong with nico. sentiment and sweetness weren't exactly two words that anyone associated with him. it felt strange, but it didn't feel wrong. how could something so out-of-place feel so natural?</p><p> </p><p>"percy? hello?" kayla was waving her hand in front of his face. "jeez, this whole thing has really got you fucked up, hasn't it? anyway, like i was saying, that's none of my business. but if you guys want to talk about it, you should." she shrugged. "hey, i understand you're upset, but he's going to be fine. he <em>is </em>fine." with a pat on the back, kayla pocketed her nail file and headed out of the infirmary.</p><p> </p><p>a moment later the bed squeaked under someone else's weight. "you feelin' okay, perce?" will asked, rubbing percy's back. "kayla's a bit harsh sometimes. i can understand what it's like to be that worried, to be in shock like that. it's not good for anybody."</p><p> </p><p>"i've gone through worse." the corners of percy's mouth quirked up into a smile. now that he had slept the adrenaline off, everything was weighing back on him. the break-up, nico leaving. he'd have to ask nico about that, too. so many things to ask him, and who knows whether his questions even had answers. nico was so adorably clueless all the time.</p><p> </p><p>they had that in common.</p><p> </p><p>"'course you have, percy. just thought i'd check in. and, you know, we're not all that close, but if you ever need to talk, i'm here." will smiled like he always did, sunshiney and supportive. "but i didn't come just to tell you that. nico's awake - has been for a few hours. thought you guys would like to talk."</p><p> </p><p>"he's awake?" he massaged his nose. "hold on, for a few hours? as in, before i woke up?"</p><p> </p><p>will grinned. "figures. he's never been the type for rest, relaxation." the sentence took percy back to a different nico, one just as surly and snappish but still had some semblance of the child he used to be. a nico who'd fall asleep in the middle of the underworld instead of staying up all night thinking about leaving everyone who cared about him behind.</p><p> </p><p>"yeah," percy agreed, because he didn't really know what else to say, "is he still in there, or?" will stood up and jerked his head, tucking his hands into his doctor's coat. he led percy through the previous room, and the latter cringed at the sight of the blood staining the trays and the floor. through a side door on the right, a reserved location for seriously injured patients. </p><p> </p><p>"i'll leave you two alone, okay?" will said, already one foot out of the door. nico was sipping at a juice box. "nico, call if you need anything! and no, you won't be a bother." with a wink and a nod he shut the door closed. the room was small, only made for one inhabitant, with drawers against the wall.</p><p> </p><p>percy kneeled down to be eye-level with nico, who sucked at his straw even though the box was empty. it made him look even more like a child, eyes big and brown, too hopped up on medicine to be belligerent. "how do you feel?" percy asked among the lieu of questions he had.</p><p> </p><p>"fine," nico responded, crushing the juice box in one hand, "about what i said back then, when i was bleeding my guts out -" <em>i love you. just thought you ought to know. </em>"- i mean, i was literally bleeding my guts out. so don't take it to mean anything. your ego is big enough already." the apollo kids must have coaxed nico into taking a bath, because his hair was soft, curled around his ears and on his shoulders. </p><p> </p><p>"oh." percy's throat felt dry, although he wasn't exactly surprised. so what if he was a bit disappointed that nico didn't mean it? anyone would be. he was so sullen all the time and those three words - they had made percy feel special. so maybe it really was about his ego. "um. huh."</p><p> </p><p>nico glared, fingers curling into the fabric of the blankets. "don't tell me you wish i meant it." his voice was flat but under that was a hint of mockery, and it made percy relax. if nico had enough energy to be sarcastic then he probably wasn't hurting too bad. </p><p> </p><p>the box fell out of nico's hands when percy stood up to wrap his arms around nico, pulling him closer. he was stiff in percy's arms for a moment before hesitantly patting his hand against percy's back. they stayed like that for what felt like a minute or two before nico growled, "okay, that's enough, jackson, let go."</p><p> </p><p>he pulled away. "i'm just glad you're okay."</p><p> </p><p>a blush spread over nico's cheeks. "is that so? how kind of you," he said dryly despite the red in his face. he raised his voice, waving the box around "will? can i have more juice?" will peeked in through the door and rolled his eyes, pulling a juice box out of his coat and handing it to nico, who brightened.</p><p> </p><p>"you guys seem really close," percy remarked, and nico flushed even further and muttered a small "i guess". he leaned in closer and wiggled his eyebrows. "so... any soulmarks appear yet? maybe he's the one for you." apparently this was the wrong thing to say, because nico darkened, scowling and turning away, hurt and anger in his eyes all at once. "oh, i'm sorry, did i -"</p><p> </p><p>"he's not," nico snapped, "he doesn't have a soulmark either."</p><p> </p><p>silence. nico started to relax again, the tension releasing from his wound-up shoulders. he was pointedly not looking at percy. "right. that's okay," he said, laughing nervously to shake off the apprehension. "i do want to ask you a question. it's... just... why'd you leave?" </p><p> </p><p>nico almost seemed surprised at the question, as if he wasn't sure if percy had noticed his disappearance. "did you really expect me to stay?" he asked in response. not angry, just tired, like he was explaining a math problem to a five-year-old for the tenth time in a row. "and i told you. nothing's left for me here."</p><p> </p><p>"i'm here," percy blurted out, and the colour in nico's cheeks that had started to fade away came rushing back, "uh - not like that. but i'm your friend, and i care about you, y'know? you can talk to me."</p><p> </p><p>"maybe." once again he was humouring percy, agreeing with him to shut him up. he couldn't exactly blame nico; people did that to him a lot - his mouth couldn't stop running most of the time. "why do you care, anyway? i can take care of myself."</p><p> </p><p>"i know you can, i just -" percy paused, admitting to himself that nico did have a point. why did he care? nico was strong, and powerful, and to some extent, smart. he could definitely handle his own. and yet the wound across his stomach was evidence to otherwise. "nico, you're hurt. obviously there's something else out there that you can't handle by yourself. how'd this happen, anyway?"</p><p> </p><p>nico traced the outline of the fabric bandages wrapped around his stomach. they were fluffy and light and percy usually liked them (they kind of felt like comfy, portable pillows), but nico was scratching at them with a look of discomfort on his face. or maybe the discomfort was from the conversation.</p><p> </p><p>there was a hitch in his breath when he said, "i killed h - it. that thing won't be alive for at least another decade." he tore open the plastic wrapping around the straw and punched it through the juice box like he was stabbing a monster. "so, yeah, you don't have to worry."</p><p> </p><p>"what if there's another <em>thing </em>out there that's even more dangerous than whatever you fought?" percy shot back, stroking his thumb across the bandages as nico put his mouth on the straw and started sucking aggressively. "don't tell me you're planning on leaving. now?"</p><p> </p><p>after a few more seconds of juice-drinking, nico shrugged. "dunno. guess i'll stay until i need to. barely made it out of camp last time, so i want to try again." </p><p> </p><p>"are you serious?" percy's brain was scrambling to try to understand what nico was seeing. "nico, you can't. i know you're healed but you have to wait a month at least." the protest didn't seem to put a dent in nico's resolution. "where will you even go?"</p><p> </p><p>"none of your business," nico replied, voice drawn tight, "i don't like fighting with you, percy." his eyes were earnest and wide. "and this has nothing to do with you, okay? i'm not leaving because of you so don't get any ideas because you like to blame everything on yourself." ouch. too close to home, but nico was right. percy wasn't going to <em>say </em>it, but he was. he never knew what to do around nico. it was nerve-wracking, in a way.</p><p> </p><p>percy straightened and gripped his hands against the side of the bed. "what if we went together?" nico spit out his juice all over the scratchy blanket and his bandages, like something out of a cartoon. "think about it. you can search for whatever you're searching for, go wherever you want to go, and i can be there with you. since the problem isn't  me, i'm sure you wouldn't mind."</p><p> </p><p>"this is something i have to do alone. i don't want to go with you." he seemed almost pained at the sentence. "or anyone, really. trust me, hazel tried to go with me, too. but if i get hurt - and i have her with me? she could get hurt, too. and you - you actually matter. to people."</p><p> </p><p>"and you don't?" percy's voice was rising in volume along with the heated anger building up in his chest. "is it so hard to believe that the people here like to have you around? it doesn't matter what you do or who you are, you saved the fucking world, nico, and -"</p><p> </p><p>nico sat up, swinging his legs around to growl at percy. "don't give me that shit, jackson. they tolerate me at most but i sure as hell don't think that when i'm gone they'll all be like -" his voice went high-pitched. "- <em>oh man, i sure wish nico was here!</em> you have a dozen other people who like you so why are you leaving them behind for me?"</p><p> </p><p>percy groaned and fell back against the drawers, crossing his arms. "i care about you, nicky," he said, ignoring the other boy's glare at the nickname, "and this isn't about you, alright? well, it is, but - not like that. i'm just trying to make sure you don't get yourself killed." he let his arm fall limp against his side. "you're strong. we both know that. but we all have our limits."</p><p> </p><p>nico scowled (although it was more of a pout, which was so cute percy calmed down a little). "what about annabeth?" he asked, a last resort to get percy leave him alone. </p><p> </p><p>"we broke up."</p><p> </p><p>"oh." for a moment nico faltered, and percy delighted in the fact that nico seemed confused as well. "sorry for that." there was silence, and when nico noticed that percy was staring at him intently, not willing to let the offer go unaccepted, he threw his hands in the air in defeat. "for christ's sake, jackson, fine. you can come. just don't get in the damn way."</p><p> </p><p>before percy could speak, nico stood up and stormed out of the room, dropping the juice box into the bin. there was yelling and threatening and percy had a feeling that the apollo kids were trying to wrangle nico back into bed, but a second later the infirmary doors were slammed shut.</p><p> </p><p>he threw his head back against the wall and laughed. nico was so predictable.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>rain slammed against the windows and the wood of the cabins. everyone was inside, playing cards, watching movies, taking naps, doing anything but going outside and getting rained on. everyone except nico and percy, who were sitting atop the poseidon cabin, perfectly dry.</p><p> </p><p>"aren't you glad you have me now?" percy asked cheerfully, and nico grumbled in reply. the water droplets pattered against an invisible dome, percy flexing and bending his fingers as they slid against the surface. nico didn't seem so appreciative, but he did mutter a small "thanks".</p><p> </p><p>"the more shadows there are, the easier it will be to travel. less tiring." nico flexed his own fingers, fingering the fabric of the black gloves he wore. said it was to prevent calluses, but percy didn't wear any, and his hands weren't any rougher than when he was a child. gloves were just... hot. and sweaty. "i'm waiting for the right moment. the darkest time of day."</p><p> </p><p>"wouldn't that be night time?" percy wondered.</p><p> </p><p>nico glared, as if even the notion of percy opposing his opinion was a personal insult. "i want to go as soon as possible." his voice was bitter. "and i don't feel like waiting for the sun to go down." in the back of his mind percy had to wonder why nico hated the camp so much, like even staying there was some kind of plague. </p><p> </p><p>percy shrugged and let the subject drop. "'f you say so," he said, which seemed to appease nico, who relaxed, rubbing at the grey circles ringed under his eyes, which percy really wanted to talk about, but he supposed that nico wouldn't appreciate it. not with the hostile state he was in. </p><p> </p><p>"why did..." nico's voice was barely a whisper, hoarse like he wasn't sure if what he was about to say was acceptable. "why did you and annabeth break up?" he stared up at percy, so innocent and child-like now that it wasn't him under attack anymore. "i thought you two were soulmates."</p><p> </p><p>the last part sounded a bit like mockery, like he was teasing percy, but maybe it was just his imagination. paranoia setting in as the memories washed over him. annabeth knew he and nico were leaving, reassured him that of course they would still be friends. it felt so faraway, but she had been so genuine and sincere. </p><p> </p><p>he was going on the trip for nico, but he was going on it for himself, too. as a distraction. and really, could you blame a guy? his girlfriend of five years had broken up with him, the first thing he needed to get over it was a vacation. preferably one that was also five years long. although considering he had no idea why nico was leaving in the first place percy didn't exactly know how much of a vacation it would be.</p><p> </p><p>"you know you don't have to answer if you don't want to, but i'd appreciate at least a warning," nico whined, the glare back on his face as percy zoned out.</p><p> </p><p>"oh! sorry, i didn't mean it like..." percy trailed off, scratching the back of his neck. "annabeth's soulmate... it's hazel." the anger faded off of nico to be replaced by surprise, eyes widening. "her mark appeared while she was with annabeth. and they even asked the aphrodite kids, too, just to be sure about it."</p><p> </p><p>when he had gone to tell annabeth about his departure, hazel had been there with her. it was so... right. he'd never considered them together, even though they were best friends even before their break-up. but looking at them, sweet and comfortable with each other, it was like looking at a mirror, something that he and annabeth had used to be. </p><p> </p><p>it hurt. that was what they could have been, but the fates hated him, apparently. they always had, but percy had thought that maybe they would've gotten another punching bag by then. he sighed and traced the cement. a few drops of water had started to leak through as he lost concentration, and nico looked like a wet, angry puppy.</p><p> </p><p>"sorry," he said, "just got distracted is all. she didn't tell you, huh?"</p><p> </p><p>"the subject didn't come up," nico replied, although his voice was a little bitter. hazel meant a lot to nico - the only person who did, probably - and not being told something so important by someone he cared for must have hurt. percy would have been hurt, at least. "it's... well, i'm sorry. that you guys didn't end up being... y'know."</p><p> </p><p>percy sighed. he couldn't pretend that he hadn't considered the possibility of a different universe, a different place and time, a different circumstance where they could be together. that they'd still be them, percy and annabeth, like it always had been.</p><p> </p><p>"thanks," was all he could muster, mostly because he didn't want to break out into tears in front of nico. gods knew he did that enough already. percy rubbed his eyes, which were starting to sting, and wished nico would stop talking about it.</p><p> </p><p>and he did, to percy's relief, although he suspected that nico was just as uncomfortable anyway. "it should be dark enough by now," nico announced, tugging at his gloves, voice thick like he was also about to cry, "the rain's about stopped, too. good." his lip curled in disgust. "never liked water... being wet."</p><p> </p><p>"how could you <em>not </em>like water?" percy protested, relieved that the levity of the situation was finally coming back. "it's so - it's just so homey."</p><p> </p><p>"well, i don't know if you noticed, but i'm not a son of poseidon. that'd be a little incestuous." before percy could register what nico had said, the latter had continued. "alright. we should go now." he stepped back into the shade and grabbed percy's wrist, closing his eyes and breathed in, out. percy looked forward, staring at the sun in the distance, until everything started to distort. </p><p> </p><p>shadow-travelling (or at least, being brought along by someone who was) felt like a hook inching itself into your gut and then yanking, except there wasn't any pain, just discomfort and the strange sense of your organs flying every which way. it was sickening and always left percy with a mild stomachache.</p><p> </p><p>he stumbled around blindly, black spots blinking in his vision. "how do you -" his stomach lurched, "- how do you do that so often? it feels so weird."</p><p> </p><p>"feels nice," nico answered, and he didn't look the least bit sick or nauseated. <em>figures. </em>"it's like riding a roller-coaster, y'know? the spinny adrenaline feeling." a small smile appeared on his face, but quickly disappeared like it wasn't supposed to exist. before percy could tell nico that he should let himself smile more because it was adorable, nico was continuing. "anyway, i can't travel further than this, so this'll have to do."</p><p> </p><p>"where... are we?" he said, stepping back a little. according to a clock tower that percy could barely make out if he squinted, they were six hours ahead of the time it had been. buildings towered around them, but they weren't as tall as the ones in new york. the architecture was different, less sleek and more stylised. "this isn't america."</p><p> </p><p>nico looked offended at the question. "no shit." he crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes at the sky. "we're in madrid." percy scratched at his hair, trying to remember where that was. "that's the capital of spain, jackson. i've been here once and - very briefly." his face flushed, which it tended to do often.</p><p> </p><p>"what'd you do here?"</p><p> </p><p>"none of your business," nico snapped, pushing percy's face away from where it was encroaching into his personal space, "and we're not here to stay. this isn't a vacation, this is me searching for something." he wrinkled his nose, lips quirking up in a sardonic smile. "and you following along like an irritating cockroach."</p><p> </p><p>percy gasped in fake offence, and it was seemingly funny enough to not make nico scowl like he usually would. or maybe he was just in a good mood, being out of camp. "i can't travel all the way to italy at once, so we'll stay here for now."</p><p> </p><p>"italy," percy wondered aloud, tapping at his chin, "so that's where we're going. good to know." nico went even redder when he realised his slip and muttered something about finding a hotel, stalking down the road. he laughed at the sight, following behind him down the deserted street.</p><p> </p><p>they didn't have to look far for a hotel, as it turns out they were nearly everywhere. there was one every few blocks they walked, but nico didn't seem satisfied with any of them, strolling around until he found one with blinking lights and gold arches near the entrance, so fancy it almost gave percy a seizure.</p><p> </p><p>"this one," he said, walking in confidently. percy leaned against the counter while nico talked to the receptionist, and after a while, he got a card and a wi-fi password neatly slipped into an envelope. "so there was only one room left that wasn't reserved -" nico's voice was hoarse, scratching at the paper of the envelope, "- but there are two beds and stuff so it shouldn't be that bad."</p><p> </p><p>"i don't mind being in the same room," percy chirped earnestly, and at nico's scowl he hurriedly added, "saves money at all. i mean, how'd you even afford this place?" there were gold-coloured patterns carved into the metal of the elevator, and percy pressed the <em>5 </em>button after a quick glance at the room number.</p><p> </p><p>"my dad's the god of wealth," nico responded, like it should've been obvious.</p><p> </p><p>"right. well, my dad's the god of showers."</p><p> </p><p>it was a lame joke, probably the lamest, most awkward joke percy had ever made, but nico doubled over laughing. he covered his mouth with his hand but nico couldn't seem to stop himself from giggling, shoulders shaking. percy could just watch in awe as nico snorted like a child, like watching a miracle come to life in front of his eyes. "you should laugh more," he said before he could decide against it.</p><p> </p><p>nico glared. "what's that supposed to mean?" he said, back to scowling, but he hiccuped right after and it was <em>so hard </em>to take him seriously. percy cupped his own mouth and laughed into his hand. "stop fucking laughing, jackson. you're not that funny."</p><p> </p><p><em>you were the one laughing like a psychopath, </em>percy would've responded if the elevator hadn't dinged and the doors slid open. nico seemed relieved at the interruption and speed walked down the halls, glancing at the signs with the numbers on them.</p><p> </p><p>when they finally reached their room, percy swiped the key card (nico didn't know how, which was another adorable thing about him) (maybe percy would have to start a list) (although that would be a bit weird). they both kicked off their shoes with a sigh, and while nico closed his eyes and leaned against the closet percy looked around.</p><p> </p><p>the room was big. almost abnormally so, at least for a hotel room. or maybe percy had never been in a hotel that classified as fancy. whatever it was, the room could've easily fit his old family apartment. two twin beds sat in the middle of the room, pushed against the wall, opposite a desk and a wall television. the entire wall next to that was a window with velvet red curtains. </p><p> </p><p>"nice place," percy remarked, although it was a little of an understatement.</p><p> </p><p>nico opened his eyes and crossed his arms, taking the room in himself. "it's alright," he replied dismissively, and percy stared for a moment before realising how much of a spoiled brat nico was, and he couldn't help but think about logistics. did he materialise the money out of nowhere, was that one of his powers? or did hades give him a set allowance? what if he ran out?</p><p> </p><p>predictable that hades wasn't a good enough father to actually be there for nico, and think money was a good enough substitute, although nico didn't seem to particularly mind. and neither did percy, if he was correct in thinking that there was a bathtub in the bathroom. he loved baths.</p><p> </p><p>"not gonna clean up? at all?" he asked nico when the latter stepped toward the bed. nico actually seemed embarrassed at this, turning away and shrugging off his jacket. he muttered something about being tired and then flopped into one of the beds like a walrus. "suit yourself."</p><p> </p><p>it took a moment for percy to figure out how exactly to control the bath faucets (all the while feeling a little stupid, although that was sort of an eternal status for him), but once he did, the water felt perfect. like home. like in a way he was connected not only to his father but to the whole wide world and everyone who had ever walked across its surface.</p><p> </p><p>it was poetic, really.</p><p> </p><p>with reluctance percy stepped out of tub and drained it, worried he might run the hotel's water supply out. he didn't know whether it was possible, and he certainly didn't want to find out (well, he kind of did, but it was probably just the hyper-curiosity that came with being a demigod). he got dressed as usual, dumping all of his dirty clothes in the corner for nico to deal with (this was his trip anyway).</p><p> </p><p>speaking of nico, who was curled up on his bed, snoring away. the shadow-travel must have tired him out, percy guessed, even if he didn't show it. nico hadn't bothered to take his jacket off, and the collar of it was sliding down his arm, still too big on him even after all his years of growing. his black hair was splayed out on the pillow, brushed to the side, pinned between his cheek and the mattress.</p><p> </p><p>percy bent over and stared at the expanse of nico's neck for a second, almost like he was in some kind of trance, before jerking away and realising how fucking creepy he was being. he rubbed at his neck, which was burning up as he tore his eyes away, and reached out with one hand to pull the blanket up over nico's shoulders.</p><p> </p><p>nico gave a soft moan and rolled over, burying his face into the pillow. percy cringed and withdrew his hand, sitting down on his own bed and running his hands over the sheets. he flicked the light switch off and laid back down on the bed. "night, nico," he murmured in the dark, and he thought he could hear a vague "shut up" muttered back.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>everything was dark.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>flames flickered in the distance. when percy lifted his foot to inspect the stinging pain shooting through his legs, he found shattered glass shards embedded into the bottom of his sneaker and into his skin. with a grimace and a yell he pulled each and every shard out.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"percy!" a voice called out in the distance, high-pitched with fear. a voice he had heard about a million times over, soft and familiar with every "seaweed brain" and "i love you", the same voice he had heard all those years ago when he woke up to a girl telling him he drooled in his sleep. "percy, help me!"</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>this struck him as slightly wrong and off-kilter, and the ground was moving beneath his feet like a fever dream, but he was off already in the direction of her voice. except she was everywhere, surrounding him, echoing through the void. "annabeth!" he screamed, feeling the tears start to streak down his cheeks. "annabeth, where are you?!"</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"you can't help her." this time the voice wasn't in the air, it was from below. beneath him. everywhere in the sense that no matter where or how he tried to escape he'd still be in the very same place. "you can't help your wise girl, percy, because she was never yours to begin with." </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>he fell back onto the ground, yelling out in pain as the glass pierced through his skin, on his arms and palms. "please don't hurt her," he whispered. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"oh, don't worry, i won't," the voice mocked, growing louder and louder with every syllable, like the beat of a drum or the pounding of percy's heart. it was everywhere, ringing in his ears and flowing through his veins. "you've already done that for me, after all."</em>
</p><p> </p><p>"percy!"</p><p> </p><p>he awoke with a jerk, his forehead banging into someone else's. for a moment percy was filled up with fear again, afraid that this was just another puppet for his nightmares to control to torture him, before he calmed down and realised he was awake.</p><p> </p><p>percy was awake, and nico di angelo was shoving their faces together, eyes wide as he noticed that percy had woken up. "are you alright?" he asked, leaning back, "you were talking in your sleep. something about annabeth." he swallowed and fidgeted with the collar of his jacket. "was it... tartarus?"</p><p> </p><p>"yeah," percy sighed, "it wasn't as bad as the... other ones." his eyes screwed shut in an effort to block out the images of the nightmares he had gotten straight after the gaea war, when he hadn't had time to process anything. "being around other people helps with that. but it was still bad. she was there, and she wanted me to help her, but i couldn't because i'm not hers." <em>i never have been. </em>"and she's not - mine. and i couldn't..."<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>his eyes flicked down to his hands, curling and uncurling in his lap, drumming against his thighs. he needed to get off the subject. "are you..." he cleared his throat. "are you, um, sitting on my lap?"</p><p> </p><p>"no," nico said defensively, sliding off of it. percy almost told him to stay because the warmth of his butt felt pretty nice against his legs, but again, seriously fucking creepy. he had to tone down the creep around nico before he actually started to act on the weird urges he got. "um, not anymore. would you like to... talk about the nightmare?"</p><p> </p><p>and they were getting back on the topic. "nope," percy popped the p, "i really, really don't." nico furrowed his eyebrows with concern. "this isn't some weird suppression thing, seriously. i just hate talking about. just makes me feel worse."</p><p> </p><p>nico tugged his jacket up to to the part where his shoulder met his neck. "right. but if you need to talk about it, you should tell me." he flushed and sat back down on his own bed. "or, like, annabeth. someone who understands."</p><p> </p><p>the lights were off again (percy hadn't even noticed they were on before that) and the room was flooded with shadows. "you're a real hypocrite, you know that, neeks?" nico looked like he couldn't decide between being angry at the nickname or guilty at the accurate statement. "you're always worried about others, but never yourself."</p><p> </p><p>"shut up," he rebuked, turning over so his back faced to percy.</p><p> </p><p>"there he is," percy teased, and maybe it was his drunken imagination but he heard nico give a little laugh. it was a nice laugh. <em>you should laugh more. </em>"hey, um, in the morning. are we seriously leaving? like, right away? because i kind of like it here."</p><p> </p><p>nico grunted into his pillow. "of course you do. what do you want me to do about it? this is my trip. if you don't agree with it maybe you shouldn't have come along." his defences were up again, bristling and sardonic like he was ready for percy to straight-out attack him.</p><p> </p><p>"it's not that. i just... wouldn't it be nice to just spend more time together?" the more percy talked about it, the more it seemed like a better idea. if he spent enough time on the trip with nico, then he wouldn't have to face his inevitable misery about breaking up with annabeth. camp would be lonely, desolate, a reminder of what once was. "i mean, i'm having fun."</p><p> </p><p>"of course you are," nico repeated, "but i told you - this was supposed to be a private thing, and you barged into it." he wrapped his arms around his chest, sitting up against the headboard. it made him look so vulnerable, and percy felt guilt flare through him.</p><p> </p><p>"sorry 'bout that," he said, and he must have looked pitiful because nico's mouth twitched into a small smile, "but what comes after italy? you go there, you find what you're searching for, and then go back to camp? continue like everything's the same?" nico looked away. "isn't it better to just... i don't know, make something out of it?"</p><p> </p><p>nico <em>tch</em>ed, gritting his teeth together in frustration. "you're so -" he paused, as if searching for an accurate word. annoying, stupid, nosy, self-centred. percy didn't have to find out, though, because nico didn't seem to find the sentence worthy enough to finish. "if you must know, i was thinking of going around the world more, but i know you think the camp is - home, or whatever."</p><p> </p><p>percy chewed on the inside of his cheek, scooting closer to the edge of his bed to look at nico clearly. the latter's hand was limp against the side of the bed, hanging off the mattress, and percy had a strange urge to go up to him and hold it. <em>again with the creepy thoughts, jackson? pull yourself together.</em></p><p> </p><p>it wasn't like the urges were new or unfamiliar. nico had always been cute, in the way that a cat was cute - and it was normal to want pet cats, to have them curl up in your lap, to have them trust you. it was the same thing with nico, like those rare moments where percy'd get him to laugh, or when he wasn't scowling at the campfire singalong -</p><p> </p><p>he was getting carried away.</p><p> </p><p>so carried away, in fact, that nico was back to staring at him with an intense look on his face. "done thinking yet?" his voice was teasing. "you're awfully obvious. but anyway - i'll think about it." his breath hitched at that. "now don't annoy me anymore. and don't get anymore nightmares."</p><p> </p><p>percy was about to make a snark about how he couldn't exactly control it, but nico had already turned over and was curled back into a ball. he sighed, fingers curling into the sheets, and hoped to the gods that he'd get at least a solid hour of sleep.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>when he woke up, nico was sitting on his lap. again.</p><p> </p><p>percy opened his eyes, blearily, and then closed them, raising his hand and placing it on nico's face, pushing him away. the latter made an offended noise and leaned in even closer, poking at percy's eyelids until he yelled and sat up. "okay, jesus, i'm awake."</p><p> </p><p>"took you long enough," nico said, scrambling off of percy's legs. he fisted his hands into the blankets and flung them off as they landed in a pile next to he bed. percy shivered at the cold of the room. "that's what you get for making me take care of your dirty clothes. get up. we're leaving spain."</p><p> </p><p>"fine," percy said, running his hands over the sheets wistfully, "do we have to?" he whined. nico snapped back a confirmation, shrugging his aviator jacket on and swiping the key card off the counter. "but you said you'd think about it last night. can't we stay, nico? have a little vacay?"</p><p> </p><p>nico rolled his eyes. "it's <em>vacation, </em>jackson, not... whatever you just said." then he blushed. "except it's not! either of those things! this isn't a vacation, okay, i really just want to get going so i can drop you off at camp after all this."</p><p> </p><p>a quick glance at the digital clock resting on the bedside table told percy it was six in the morning; far too early to be arguing over anything. percy yawned. "first of all, neeks, if you think i'll just let you ditch me even after this is over, then you really underestimate me. second... i want to have fun with you. we can relax together, and if we don't have fun, you get to rub it in my face."</p><p> </p><p>"that does sound pretty nice," nico muttered, flushing even deeper as he fidgeted with the fabric of his jacket.</p><p> </p><p>"doesn't it? come on." percy bounced excitedly off the bed, stopping just short in front of nico. he was going to say something about how just being around nico made him forget all about his problems, and more vacation time meant less time to think about annabeth. "it'll be fun." </p><p> </p><p>"fine," nico spat, and percy felt his heart leap, "but only because you won't stop fucking talking about it, and i'll get to hold this against you. and you <em>don't </em>get to bother me for the rest of the vacation, 'cause i'm doing this for you already."</p><p> </p><p>"and for yourself," percy sang, but he was interrupted by a finger being stuffed into his mouth. he spluttered around it, his cheeks heating up, and before he could choke nico had pulled it back out. "<em>nico! </em>that was disgusting! finger in the mouth, gods, seriously?" nico was cackling as percy dragged a finger down his tongue. "you know, there are better ways to get me to shut up."</p><p> </p><p>they stared at each other, unblinking, nico's laughter dying down to look incredulously at percy. the sun was starting to rise and it made the hotel room look even more like a dramatic movie scene, the rays of light hitting the carpet in strips. in the back of his mind percy wondered when nico was going to start laughing.</p><p> </p><p>but he didn't. instead he shook his head and sighed like percy was being his usual annoying self, tucking the key card into his pocket and swinging his backpack onto his shoulder. percy kept watching him, waiting for the moment where he'd turn to bully percy for saying something so ridiculously stupid, but it never happened.</p><p> </p><p>huh.</p><p> </p><p>"right. i've already checked out for today, so we're going to have to find another hotel." he jabbed a finger at percy. "and just so we're clear, we're not going to any tourist attractions." percy raised his eyebrows at this, bending over to pick up his clothes. "they're so painfully fake."</p><p> </p><p>he laughed. of course nico would be that kind of person, what with the shadow travelling and the weird hate for any type of authority figures. "no objections here. but, uh, if we aren't going to tourist attractions, then... where will be going? also, can i take a shower first?"</p><p> </p><p>nico smiled, sinister as always. "you'll see," he responded, tucking his hands into his pockets and walking down the hallway to the hotel door, "also, no. deal with it." percy groaned at how nasty nico was, flopping back onto the bed. "percy! get up and hurry up! ugh, i have a bad feeling about this place."</p><p> </p><p>"then why'd you choose this hotel, nicky?" percy asked, throwing in the nickname just to tease him. it seemed to work, as nico growled, gritting his teeth. he liked the sound of it, snarly and low and annoyed. "aww, i'm just teasing, <em>neeks. </em>what do you prefer? nick, maybe? nicole?"</p><p> </p><p>"nicole?" nico asked incredulously, mouth twisting in anger. "you're messing with me, aren't you? christ." percy stood up and crossed his arms, smile spreading across his face. "shut your stupid mouth, jackson. you're not funny." and yet when he turned away percy thought there was the hint of a fond smile on his face.</p><p> </p><p>percy bounced on his heels, delighted at the sight. "nah, you love me." nico froze up before glaring, raising one eyebrow like he couldn't believe the shit coming out of percy's mouth (a look he gave percy quite often). "come on, admit it. you loooove me, don't you?"  </p><p> </p><p>after a few seconds of nico struggling with the door knob, he finally was able to figure out how it worked, swinging it open. percy still had his smug smile plastered on his face (the one he did when he was sure he was correct, although five times out of ten he wasn't, according to annabeth) (just the thought of her was making his stomach hurt) (fuck).</p><p> </p><p>"i saved your life," nico announced, voice all growly once again, and it was enough to distract percy from the pain in his gut. </p><p> </p><p>"and i saved yours," percy sang as they both walked through the door. the scowl was back on nico's face, but he didn't answer or retort back with another insult, which in percy's opinion was a victory. nico sulked all the way down the hallway, and percy decided for once to shut up, though he still hummed cheerfully as he walked.</p><p> </p><p>percy watched nico fumble with the keycard on the elevator before grabbing the card to swipe it through the slit himself, laughing when nico muttered a begrudging "thank you". he pressed the button in the wall and they both waited for the elevator to reach the ground floor.</p><p> </p><p>nico speedwalked to the reception and started talking to the lady at the counter while percy leaned against the wall and watched from afar, an amused grin spread across his face. the receptionist smiled and nodded, taking the card from nico's hands. then she was saying something, and nico was reaching into his backpack and pulling out -</p><p> </p><p>"you have a phone?" percy yelped from across the lobby, and the look sent his way was murderous, nico's eyes narrowed and his teeth gritted like he was about to pounce on percy and claw him to death. a few other people milling around the couches stopped to look at him, too, and he flushed a deep red in embarrassment. "sorry! sorry. just - uh - go on. yeah."</p><p> </p><p>nico growled again from the back of his throat before turning back to the reception and raising his phone screen to her. some guests hadn't stopped looking at percy, notably a little girl dressed in purple, chewing a gummy bear. he smiled awkwardly and gave a half-hearted finger gun, sliding toward nico.</p><p> </p><p>"the hell was that?" he asked, the fingers of his left hand drumming against the counter while his right hand held the phone. the app opened seemed to be some kind of website.</p><p> </p><p>"uh... i was just surprised," percy answered nervously. after the gaea war, the hephaestus cabin had come up with a brand of monster-proof phones. they were a little laggy and outdated, but they worked just fine for most of the camp.</p><p> </p><p>he recalled annabeth giving him an explanation as to how they worked, something about celestial bronze and sim cards, except percy had zoned out midway through and stopped pretending to understand, instead listening to her voice as she rambled away.</p><p> </p><p>his smile faded off his face for a second at the thought, fingers curling around the collar of his shirt. they could still do that as friends, of course, but it wouldn't be the same. he couldn't lean in to brush his lips against her cheek, or tangle his hands through her wavy blonde hair. fuck, he missed her.</p><p> </p><p>when he forced himself to tune back into the present, nico was talking about his phone. "i don't use it all that much because - i mean i don't really see the point. i'm not that interested in that kind of shit." he twisted his ring around his finger then squinted. "are you even listening to me?"</p><p> </p><p>"yeah. yeah, of course." percy rubbed at his eyes and forced himself to forget about annabeth and remind himself that he was here, with nico, and as long as they were together he wouldn't have to think about it, wouldn't have to face it. "i'm sorry, man. i'm just bummed out about the break-up."</p><p> </p><p>nico's face twisted into a scowl but softened again as he registered percy's words. "oh... i'm sorry, i guess." his eyebrows were furrowed, like he couldn't think of a way to be genuinely nice. "wanna talk about it?"</p><p> </p><p>"and what, you'd help?" percy leaned against the wall and snorted, remorse pricking at his heart when he noticed nico looking a little hurt. "i didn't mean it like - you're not the most compassionate person, you know?"<em> shit. that sounded bad. </em>"nico, you're not always -"</p><p> </p><p>"whatever." nico rolled his eyes, although percy could tell he felt uncomfortable at the comment, "ugh! fine, i was <em>trying </em>to be nice, but since you know everything about me already i guess we should just leave now."</p><p> </p><p>the sinking feeling of guilt started presenting itself in percy's gut once again, though he plastered a smile on his face and followed after nico out there. "i'm sorry, nico, i was just in kind of a bad mood. but i'm sorry, i know you were trying your best." silence. he draped his arms over nico's shoulders and thought he could hear nico purr a tiny bit. "nico? are you mad? i'm sorry."</p><p> </p><p>they kept walking down the pavement in silence until nico sighed in exasperation, massaging his forehead. "i'm not mad, percy," he said, and percy grinned, "but i'm about to be if you don't keep your hands to yourself."</p><p> </p><p>he removed his arms from around his collarbone, giving nico's shoulders one final squeeze. "i knew you loved me," he teased, and nico blushed again, bright red smeared across his pale skin. it was cute, and surprisingly fitting on him paired with his lips pulling into a pout. "where... are we going?"</p><p> </p><p>the pout was gone, replaced by a small, mischievous grin. "you'll see," nico replied, nose scrunching up as he laughed. percy tilted his head and laughed along, ignoring his own urge to poke nico's dimpled cheeks. "alright, enough. come here."</p><p> </p><p>he pulled percy into an alley. a rat squealed and scampered past their feet, and percy grimaced at the sight of a dumpster against the wall, overflowing with trash. when he scuffed his foot against the ground, the toe of his sneaker came away splattered with dirt (or rat shit, which was a much worse alternative).</p><p> </p><p>"it's dark here, i can use it for shadowtravelling," he explained, fingers wrapping around percy's wrist as he pulled him further into the alley. they stood against the corner, sides pressed to the other's, and nico closed his eyes. percy kept his eyes trained on nico to distract himself from how disgusting the alley was (although he'd been in much worse places before).</p><p> </p><p>"i hate shadowtravelling," percy managed to mutter before the invisible hook dug itself into his gut again. the grimy walls of the alley and the chipped-away paint of the dumpster faded and swirled away as he got flung through the darkness.</p><p> </p><p>his feet hit the ground so hard percy's legs almost instantly gave out and he collapsed on the ground face-first. nico sighed and helped percy up. "weak," he murmured under his breath and percy was about to retaliate when he realised where they were.</p><p> </p><p>around him was pure, solid rock, the morning sun that had just risen making it look a little more orange and yellow rather than grey. they were in an alcove carved into the rock like a cave or a shelter, half hidden by the numerous stones lining the mouth of it. </p><p> </p><p>percy looked out and wind rushed through his hair, a few strands getting in his mouth. rocks peaked and jutted out around them, of varying heights and sizes. in the distance there was another stretch of mountain, although he couldn't get a clear view due to the clouds and fog.</p><p> </p><p>"montserrat." nico picked at his fingernails, his long black hair whipping around his face in the cool air, "i... you mentioned it once. while we were training. you said that you wanted to travel to montserrat someday." his pronunciation was stilted and awkward. "so you're welcome."</p><p> </p><p>"you remembered that?" percy said in wonder. the comment had been something so faraway, something he never actually expected to happen. he hadn't even thought about shadow-travelling or plane-travelling or any type of <em>-travelling. </em>"that's... really nice of you, neeks. i can't believe you remembered."</p><p> </p><p>nico sniffed in contempt and leaned back against the sun-warmed stones. "whatever," he replied, "it doesn't matter."</p><p> </p><p>"it does to me," percy said earnestly, revelling in the red spreading across his nose and cheeks once more. nico huffed, not unlike an angry kitten, brushing his hair out of his face as he trekked along the surface of the mountain, "nico?"</p><p> </p><p>he crossed his arms and responded with a sullen <em>what. </em>"i think you're cute when you blush." </p><p> </p><p>nico gaped. the blush that had faded away came rushing back, his cheeks flushing and reddening. he plastered his palms against his face as if they would ward away the blush, and he scowled. "you're messing with me, aren't you?" he turned on his heel and left.</p><p> </p><p>"nicky," percy whined, "i'm not joking. i really think you're cute." nico didn't respond, his mouth twisting like he couldn't decide on whether he should snarl or frown or spit at percy. "this place is nice," he commented, deciding to give nico a break for once as he looked around. "we should go up to the top." he jabbed his finger in the direction of the highest peak.</p><p> </p><p>the base of its jagged spike sat just a few feet away. it was clear that although the mountain range was some kind of tourist attraction, they had gone off to the part that wasn't as crowded. seeing as there was no one else around, percy wondered whether it was actually restricted (he hoped it wasn't).</p><p> </p><p>nico rolled his eyes and stalked toward the rigid wall of rock, digging his fingers into the sediment. he flashed percy a grin. "bet you i can get to the top first," he snarked, before ramming the blade of his sword into into the stone and jumping up to the nearest ledge.</p><p> </p><p>"in your dreams," percy shot back, fishing riptide out of his pocket and following after him. they scrambled up the summit, feet catching on ledges and dips in the stone. nico reached up to the top of the second peak, and in his effort to climb atop it planted his boot onto percy's face. "<em>blegh. </em>nico!"</p><p> </p><p>he smiled wide and shrugged, clambering up onto the crest of the mountain. nico peeked over the side of the cliff and rolled his eyes again, offering his hand to percy to help him up. percy grabbed onto it as he scratched at the rock. his foot fell back onto riptide, still stuck in the side of the mountain, and launched him at nico on the surface of the mountain spire.</p><p> </p><p>percy yelped as his face crashed into nico's. they both tumbled onto each other, and nico groaned when the back of his head collided with the rough ground. "holy shit! neeks, are you..." he trailed off as nico moaned in pain and his eyes fluttered open to look at percy. "um... are you..."</p><p> </p><p>they were close. <em>really </em>close. percy's hands were splayed out on either side of nico's head, arms straining to hold himself up above the other. nico's eyes were wide and confused, hadn't processed what was happening to respond appropriately. his eyes roved over nico's face, his button nose and the spray of freckles across his cheeks. </p><p> </p><p>nico squeaked in a way that reminded percy of a mouse and made an attempt to push the latter off of him, except at that moment percy's arms, tired from hiking and climbing up the mountain, chose that moment to collapse. both of them gave a strangled yelp as their faces smacked into each other. </p><p> </p><p>a stifled groan emitted from percy as he landed face-first onto the ground, nico rolling out from beneath him, brushing himself off and scowling. "are you okay?" percy asked, concerned, scooting over. "dude, you hit your head on the rock. you could've gotten a concussion."</p><p> </p><p>"pretty sure i would have noticed if i did," nico huffed.</p><p> </p><p>"come on, just let me check," percy insisted. to his surprise, nico sighed and turned around, back ramrod straight as percy touched the back of his neck. "relax, i'm not going to do anything weird." at this nico let a little tension release from his shoulder blades. "okay, better."</p><p> </p><p>he brushed nico's hair aside, combing through it gently. small droplets of red clung to strands of hair. it didn't look to be serious, a minor scratch that barely penetrated the skin. percy swiped at the blood and apologised when nico winced, hands dropping down to squeeze his shoulders. </p><p> </p><p>"i think i have a handkerchief somewhere in my backpack," percy said, "just hold on, okay? i'll clean it up." he pulled his blue backpack toward him and stuck his arm in, feeling for the fabric. "oh! here it is. and i got a water bottle, too, that's handy." nico watched him curiously as he wet the handkerchief with water. "okay, hold still."</p><p> </p><p>percy tangled his fingers through nico's messy, knotted hair and combed it back to reveal the pale skin with the cut bleeding down his head. he rubbed the handkerchief against the scratch, pressing it to nico's head for a few minutes.</p><p> </p><p>"hurts?" percy asked, his left hand rubbing against nico's neck.</p><p> </p><p>"not really," nico said, his face turned bright red for perhaps the fifth time that day, "can you stop now? it's just a scratch." he wrapped his hand around percy's wrist and shoved him off. percy shrugged and tucked the handkerchief into his pocket. "do you want to continue to the top?"</p><p> </p><p>"nah." percy shifted to be next to nico instead of behind him. "you said you'd been to spain before, right? i want to hear that story." nico scowled. "please? i mean, look at this." he looped his arm around nico's shoulders. "it's the morning time, sun's just risen, it's a perfect day... tell me the story, nico."</p><p> </p><p>their legs dangled over the edge of the cliff, and percy felt a strange sense of vertigo looking down. "it was with hazel," he said, fidgeting with the collar of his aviator jacket, "she had some kind of business to do here, and she invited me along. we went to this city square in madrid." nico twisted his skull ring around his finger. "i didn't like it at first... but it was actually pretty fun."</p><p> </p><p>he looked up, into the distance, at the wide stretch of mountain. the sky was painted different shades of light blue and lilac as clouds drifted past. "i kind of miss hanging out with her," nico admitted, "and i wish she told me about annabeth."</p><p> </p><p>"she hasn't yet?" percy asked, a little uneasy. he thought hazel would've iris-messaged, texted, called, or at least told him somehow. "maybe she just needs time. seeing as she's from the thirties and all that..."</p><p> </p><p>"i know she does. and i get that, and i'm not mad." he sighed. "just - dunno - a little hurt, i guess. but it's whatever. she'll tell me when she's ready."</p><p> </p><p>they both fell into an awkward silence after percy's <em>yeah, </em>uncomfortably close yet not close enough for it to be considered intimate. percy hadn't seen hazel since before their break-up, but even then he knew that she and his girlfriend (well, ex-girlfriend) were getting close. he should've seen it coming.</p><p> </p><p>percy licked his lips and picked up a smooth stone, watching the light glance off of it in yellow strips. "nico," he said, an idea popping into his mind, "hey, let's write our names on this rock."</p><p> </p><p>nico turned and sent him a disgusted look. "seriously? you've been watching way too many of those cheesy movies." percy just grinned and held the stone out to nico. "i don't even have a marker, or pen, or anything."</p><p> </p><p>"ah, don't worry, i got you." he pulled his backpack toward him again and unzipped the front pocket, where he had put a tube of mints and a sharpie. percy popped one of the mints into his mouth and uncapped the sharpie, writing slowly as not to make any spelling mistakes, <em><strong>percy </strong></em>in wobbly handwriting.</p><p> </p><p>he held both the marker and the stone out to nico, smiling wide. "what do you want us to do next, carve our initials into a tree?" he asked, eyebrow raised, before taking the stone with and sharpie with an exasperated and over-exaggerated groan. in neat, loopy handwriting he wrote <em><strong>nico</strong></em>.</p><p> </p><p>"nice handwriting," percy remarked, peering over his shoulder, "you don't have dyslexia? you wrote that pretty easily."</p><p> </p><p>"no, i just -" he popped the cap back onto the marker, "- i practice." nico held up the stone, now with both of their names written on it in two different handwritings. "what do we do with it? do we keep it, or wh -"</p><p> </p><p>without hesitation, percy snatched it out of nico's hands and chucked it as far as he could. the speck of grey and black knocked against a pillar of rock before disappearing beyond the ledge, down to the deep chasm between the two summits, where neither of them would ever see it again.</p><p> </p><p>nico gaped after it, eyes wide like he couldn't believe percy had just done that. "think," percy started, laughing at nico's confusion, "one day, like, years from now, maybe even decades or centuries, someone will come here, and find it, and by then some of the mountain will probably already have been destroyed. and they'll find it, and they'll wonder who we were." nico's eyes were glazed over like he was imagining it. "like a mark we existed."</p><p> </p><p>"that does sound pretty cool." nico turned to percy, tucking his hair behind his ear. the corners of his lips were turned up in a small smile. he opened his mouth then closed it, shaking his head. "let's go up to the top," he said, although percy doubted that that was really what he was about to say, "i didn't come up here for nothing."</p><p> </p><p>"right," percy laughed, slipping his backpack back on. he bent over the side to take riptide out from where it was embedded into the rock. nico was already halfway up the slope, sword hanging from his belt, gloved hands slipping against the stone as he climbed.</p><p> </p><p>wind blew through percy's hair and he laughed as they hoisted themselves up onto the pillars and spires. they were nearing the highest point of the mountain range, and it had evened out to be more of a curved path rather than a cluster of hilltops. </p><p> </p><p>nico bent over, hands on his knees, to catch his breath. he glared when percy snickered, barely tired at all. "need me to carry you, princess?" he teased. nico blushed (although pointing it out was just redundant, percy thought), and hissed before straightening and stalking up the curve like he had something to prove.</p><p> </p><p>the path was long and winded, but they eventually reached the top. nico jumped up onto the ledge and then scrambled onto the flat surface of the mountain. percy implanted riptide into the rock and hoisted himself up next to nico. it wasn't the most spacious area, and their shoulders and elbows knocked against the other's.</p><p> </p><p>"pretty nice up here," percy said, and it was. the sun was high in the sky, except they were too far up for it to be hot.</p><p> </p><p>"percy?" nico's voice was high and child-like as he pointedly looked at anywhere but percy, eyes trained on his torn up boots. "thank you for convincing me to, um, do this." the side of his mouth twitched. "it was... not as bad as i expected it to be."</p><p> </p><p>percy beamed back at him and moved closer, throwing his arm around nico's shoulder. "i'm glad. see? i told you that you'd like it." he brushed his cheek against nico's. "i had fun too, nico. being here with you and stuff." </p><p> </p><p>they were too close now, almost uncomfortably so, but percy was too hopped up on the adrenaline of climbing a whole mountain to care or move away. nico's eyes were half-lidded, now focused on percy's face. "you really are cute when you blush," percy said. his laugh was barely a breath but it was cut off when they both leaned forward at the same time and kissed.</p><p> </p><p>percy kissed a lot. there was calypso, which was nice, and there was rachel, which wasn't. after that it was always annabeth, annabeth, annabeth, with her wide, familiar lips; it took some getting used to, but percy could practice, leaning over to kiss her whenever he wanted.</p><p> </p><p>kissing a boy was different. he wasn't exactly sure whether it was a <em>boy </em>thing or a <em>nico </em>thing, but his lips were softer and curvier. percy's hand came to rest on nico's waist, and they were both tilting back. nico's arms were smooth and pale as they wrapped around percy's neck, and percy, for a fleeting moment, wondered if his skin was like that <em>everywhere</em> -</p><p> </p><p>"fuck," someone said, and percy was so dazed he figured it was probably nico, "fuck," he repeated, wiping at his spit slick lips. "oh my gods. what the fuck." nico whipped around, a glare on his face, but it faded off almost as soon as it appeared. "i fucked up."</p><p> </p><p>"what?" percy said stupidly, grinning. nico stood up, scratching at the ground and marched away, cuts and scars opening on his arms as he slid down the rock and strode back toward the alcove. "nico, come on. what are you doing? i thought we were - thought we were having a moment."</p><p> </p><p>nico paused and there was a soft sniff coming from his direction. "forget this," his voice was low and aggressive, angry like he always was, except it wasn't directed at percy, "i'm done. we're going to italy."</p><p> </p><p>he frowned. "nico, are you -"</p><p> </p><p>the other didn't respond, just clenched his fists and stomped away down the path, slipping and sliding down against the stone to the cave. percy took one last look at the peak of the montserrat, running his hands along the surface, before sighing and following after nico down the track.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>the sun was beginning to set, and nico still wasn't back yet.</p><p> </p><p>they had shadow-travelled to venice and nico had checked into the first hotel he caught sight of. he'd ordered percy to stay put in their room and with a "i'll be back at night" left, presumably to sulk as nico often did.</p><p> </p><p>percy had spent the afternoon trying his damnedest to not think about anything that had happened. he'd gone down to the hotel's restaurant and eaten to his heart's content - the kitchen had blue food dye, which was just an added plus. he'd stripped down to his boxers and gone down to the swimming pool and swam back and forth for most of the day.</p><p> </p><p>when he finally begun to wrinkle percy went back up to their room, hoping nico would be there, but he wasn't. he got the bathtub faucet running (there was a bathtub, thank the gods) and sank into it.</p><p> </p><p>they had kissed. percy had just broken up with his girlfriend of eight years, who he had thought was her soulmate, and not even a week later he was off kissing someone else. he should've felt guilty. and in a way, he did, except it felt good. right. there was no uncertainty or stiffness like his first kiss with annabeth had been like.</p><p> </p><p>it was just good, plain and simple. nico clearly didn't want to think about it, was angry at himself for fucking up. how was it a fuck-up? they both enjoyed it - at least, he hoped nico enjoyed it as much as percy did. annabeth had gone off to date another girl, so maybe she was fine, too. maybe he didn't have to feel guilty.</p><p> </p><p>he missed annabeth. percy tried to ignore it but deep down, he did. there was a deep unsettling feeling in his guilt that maybe he was doing this just to replace annabeth. he couldn't do that to nico, couldn't make out and then dip because he only saw him as a rebound until someone new.</p><p> </p><p>percy'd never seen nico's soulmark before. he pestered him about it, and no matter how many times he did, nico would refuse to show him, always kept it hidden under a glove or a jacket or a long-sleeved shirt. he wondered what it was, and why nico was so protective of a pattern on his skin.</p><p> </p><p>there was a loud thud outside the bathroom door. percy lit up and scrambled out of the tub, yanking the plug out to drain it. he scrambled to slip his briefs and a t-shirt on, unlocking the door and nearly throwing it open. standing there, looking like a drowned cat, was nico, with wet hair matted and sticking to his face.</p><p> </p><p>rain slammed against the glass windows. "hey, nico," percy greeted, smiling and waving awkwardly. he wanted to ask nico about his soulmark but at the same time he didn't, because nico didn't look so keen on a conversation. "do you want to maybe - talk? about, y'know -"</p><p> </p><p>"no," was the deadpan response, and nico walked into the bathroom and slammed it shut behind him with finality.</p><p> </p><p>percy rubbed at his arm and sat down on the bed. unluckily for nico, there was only one. it was so big it stretched across the room from wall to wall, but it was one bed nonetheless. "well," he said, voice loud to make sure nico heard from the bathroom, "if you want to, i'd really like to -"</p><p> </p><p>the sound of water running made itself clear, and percy sighed, flopping back onto the soft sheets. if any one out of the two of them had fucked up, it was probably percy. <em>he </em>was the one who had initiated the kiss, leaned so close in the first place, was the one who even suggested they stay in spain for a little longer.</p><p> </p><p>and now nico was mad at himself, swearing all over the place, and refused to talk to percy. he'd ruined everything. the kiss was good, but it wasn't worth it. having him for a few moments wasn't worth losing him for the rest of his life.</p><p> </p><p>a click, and the bathroom door swung open. nico stepped out, bandages wrapped around his arms for the numerous scratches he had gotten climbing the mountain. he was wearing a pair of black sweatpants and a skull t-shirt (did he have several of them?) as usual.</p><p> </p><p>"it's not your fault." his voice was dull and deadpan, and percy winced. him being angry would've been better than just emptiness. "it's mine. go to sleep." </p><p> </p><p>percy nodded and flopped back onto the bed, arms crossed across his stomach. a second later the lights were off, and the bed creaked with nico's weight. "good night," percy whispered hopefully, but there wasn't any response. he bit his lip and turned over to stare at the ceiling.</p><p> </p><p>how could he tell nico that he wasn't mad, or sad, or any negative emotion at all about the kiss, if nico refused to listen to anything percy said? and even if he did listen, he was likely to think that he was nothing more than a placeholder for the missing space where annabeth had been. that was a nico thing to do.</p><p> </p><p>annabeth. when percy got back to camp, he'd have to see her be with someone else. and he didn't doubt annabeth was sad, but she had hazel, and they were happy together. he'd have to reconsider his whole life plan - new rome and college was out of the picture. percy's fatal flaw was loyalty, except he didn't have anyone to be loyal to, and... yeah, it sucked.</p><p> </p><p>because why couldn't he just be happy for her? despite everything, why couldn't percy stop thinking about a different life where they were meant to be? where their soulmarks would match each other, and they'd settle into a city where they could be themselves, and everything would be just fine. </p><p> </p><p>he wasn't living that life. annabeth was gone. she wasn't his anymore. she never had been.</p><p> </p><p>percy curled his hands into the blankets and started bawling like a baby.</p><p> </p><p>the other side of the bed shifted, a curse word muttered as percy shook in the bed. he sat up and buried his face in his hands, tears dripping down his chin. "jackson, what the h -" nico was cut short when he rubbed his eyes and seemed to realise percy was crying, "oh."</p><p> </p><p>"i'm sorry," he whispered, bringing his knees up to chest and wrapping his arms around them, "i just... miss her." nico grimaced and patted percy on the back stiffly, like he didn't want to get too close. "we went through all that shit together and it - sucks. she's gone now."</p><p> </p><p>"well, it's not like she's dead," nico said nervously, "she'll still be your friend. and there's your soulmate. once you find - her, you can fall in love again and get your happy ending, and stuff. there's someone out there for you." his voice was stilted and awkward, like he was reading off a script.</p><p> </p><p>percy rubbed at his eyes. "yeah, i know. but it's like - i've gone my <em>whole life </em>thinking she was, you know, the one for me and she isn't? what was the point in the first place, then?" he felt anger rise in his chest and he scratched at the blankets. "was it just a <em>joke</em>? was it all for nothing -"</p><p> </p><p>"percy!" nico yelled, and percy jumped. water erupted from the faucet in the bathroom. "calm down, jesus christ." he slid off the bed to turn off the tap, and percy examined the sheets, which were now a torn mess. "oh, fuck, you ruined the blankets, too," nico said when he returned.</p><p> </p><p>"i'm sorry," percy murmured, "i'm just... upset."</p><p> </p><p>"clearly," nico said, plopping down onto the bed. his face softened, and he rubbed at his neck sheepishly, "sorry. just don't do it again. can i - uh - do... anything... to help?" <em>talk to me. stop running away. tell me if that kiss meant as much for you as it did for me.</em></p><p> </p><p>he knew that if he said anything like that, nico would just withdraw again, retreat back into himself. so instead, "stay," percy said, leaning forward a tiny bit to catch nico's hand in his. to his surprise, he didn't pull away, staring at their intertwined fingers, "please? just... that. i don't want to think about her."</p><p> </p><p>nico paused then nodded. "okay," he breathed, moving to lie down on the mattress. percy moved to pull them closer, nico's back against percy's chest, his face buried in nico's shoulder. </p><p> </p><p>against his better judgement, percy tugged at the collar of nico's shirt and pressed his lips to the smooth skin below the back of his neck. "good night, nico," he whispered. all he got in response was a heavy sigh. he was too tired to think much of it, and a few seconds later his eyes fluttered shut.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>nico had woken up before him, as usual, sitting up against the headboard. his forehead was creased and he was mouthing something percy couldn't make out. with a confused, sleepy gurgle percy sat up as well, frowning at the drool stain on the pillow.</p><p> </p><p>"you drool in your sleep," nico noted without giving him a glance. percy laughed and ignored the sensation in his chest that felt like his heart being squeezed and twisted. "it's nearly ten in the morning for us, haze," nico continued, voice friendlier, "but our percy here's a heavy sleeper."</p><p> </p><p>it was then he noticed the iris message floating at the foot of their huge bed, with a familiar face displayed on it. "hey, perce! nico was just checking in with me, and we were - uh - talking, about stuff. what's up? how's your trip to italy been?"</p><p> </p><p>"oh, it's been pretty nice," percy answered, sitting up straighter in bed, "we went to montserrat!" at the mention of it, nico scowled and turned away, hands clenching into fists in his lap. percy wiped at his mouth to ignore the feeling of guilt in his chest.</p><p> </p><p>"i've never been, but it sounds really beautiful." hazel tapped her finger against her chin. "did you go to the monastery? you know, i remember annabeth would talk about the architecture of that place a lot..." her voice took on a dreamy quality, before she caught sight of percy and laughed sheepishly. </p><p> </p><p>nico rolled his eyes, although percy wasn't sure whether it was directed at him or hazel. "we didn't go the monastery. i meant to, but we didn't have enough..." he glanced at percy, then looked back down at his nails. "...time."</p><p> </p><p>hazel's gaze bounced between the two of them, a nervous smile on her face like she knew something was wrong, but couldn't exactly pinpoint what. she pressed her lips together and scratched at her arm as all three of them stared at each other.</p><p> </p><p>"well." she tucked her hair behind her ear. "i'm going now. you know, lots of work comes with being a praetor. especially with the camps combined now..." her voice was high-pitched and highly strung.</p><p> </p><p>"right, of course," percy said, fisting his hands into the blankets, "you can go back to, um, whatever you're doing now." he gave a thumbs-up, and nico winced, facepalming as if he was disappointed. "i'll see ya, hazel!"</p><p> </p><p>she waved back, and nico jumped forward to cut the iris message off. he looked at percy, contempt in his eyes, before letting out a loud breath and turning away to grab his backpack. percy crossed his arms and sighed, tapping his fingers against his bicep.</p><p> </p><p>"nico," he started, but was met with a firm <em>no</em>. percy continued anyway, "can we talk?"</p><p> </p><p>"no."</p><p> </p><p>"last night -"</p><p> </p><p>"<em>no.</em>" nico gritted his teeth and turned around. to percy's surprise, he didn't look particularly angry, corners of his eyes scrunched up like he was in pain. "i told you, there's nothing to talk about. that time on the montserrat - that was just a fucking mistake. okay? so can we just go back to normal?"</p><p> </p><p>percy fell quiet, trying to figure out what to say. <em>but what if i want that to be my normal? </em>nico narrowed his eyes and turned to his backpack, digging in it for something. <em>you mean so much more to me than you think you do. </em>"nico, i..."</p><p> </p><p>"save it," nico snapped, zipping his bag up and standing up to go down the hallway. "we're going to - where we're going, and we're going now. and if you try to talk about this one more time i'll -" he stopped short, "- i'll just go by myself." percy dug his fingernails into his arms and bit his lip at the hurt tone of nico's voice.</p><p> </p><p>"okay," he finally said, and nico relaxed. "okay. let's... go." nico softened and nodded, watching as percy packed his own backpack with his stuff and stood up, slinging it on his shoulder. "care to tell yours truly where we're going?"</p><p> </p><p>nico seemed to hesitate for a moment, as if he couldn't decide whether to tell percy or not. "san polo, in venice," he finally responded, rubbing the fabric of his aviator jacket between his two fingers, "that's where my old family home is. or at least, i think so."</p><p> </p><p>no wonder he was so desperate to go. it was a piece of his past and despite everything - all the healing, and recovery, and peace - percy knew that nico was stubborn. that was his fatal flaw. he clung onto things and memories he had that reminded him of happiness, and in a way, percy understood. they were the pieces of his better past.</p><p> </p><p>"awesome," was all he said brightly, mostly because he didn't think nico would really appreciate being psychoanalysed. "you know, my mom always used to talk about san polo," he conversed, catching up on nico and smiling when he didn't shrug percy's hand off his shoulder. "said it was a beautiful place."</p><p> </p><p>the scowl faded off of nico's face. "has she been?" he asked, surprisingly softly, unlocking the room door with an impressive swipe of the keycard. percy felt himself slipping back into usual, him chattering away while nico dropped the occasional witty, sarcastic quip, a small grin on his face.</p><p> </p><p>they got to the lobby and nico pulled percy under the stairs, cutting him off mid-sentence. he wrapped his fingers around percy's, and in the darkness he saw yet another blush heat up his face. <em>no flirting, </em>percy reminded himself, despite how much he wanted to, and let nico whisk him away into the shadows.</p><p> </p><p>when they stumbled onto the ground, percy felt less like throwing his lunch up than usual. he gave a weak thumbs-up and a finger gun, to which nico rolled his and continued on down the street. "this place is pretty cool," percy remarked, mostly to fill the silence, looking around at the towering houses. nico smiled to himself and rubbed at his neck.</p><p> </p><p>"i guess," he muttered. a moment after, he gasped and slid down the pavement to stare at a wall. when percy caught up, they were both staring at a wall marked with spray paint, markers, and pencil writings over the concrete. "bianca and i. we wrote something - on one of these -" he traced his fingers along the ledges. "there."</p><p> </p><p>most of it had been made illegible by the other marks drawn over it, but nico was pointing at a word scribbled in white crayon. percy squinted at it, trying to decipher the letters. "it's in italian," nico said sheepishly, "it's, um. it's <em>fuck </em>in italian."</p><p> </p><p>percy burst out laughing.</p><p> </p><p>he stumbled back onto the road and fell onto his butt, still laughing. "you - you guys did -" percy stood up only for his legs to give out again and he leaned against the wall for support, "oh, man. you - both of you - why? why that word, nico?" nico's whole face was red, now. "weren't you an itty bitty child?"</p><p> </p><p>"we thought it was funny!" nico shot back, crossing his arms. "we were just children, back then, okay. just kids having fun." he sighed and slouched back against the wall. "i wish i could go back to how it used to be." percy looked over at nico, at the tears pooling in his eyes. "i miss her."</p><p> </p><p>"that's okay," he said, voice thick, placing a hand on nico's back between his shoulder blades. "i know you do. i miss her too." nico nodded and scowled, rubbing furiously at his eyes. "don't do that, nico. it's okay if you need to cry or anything. she was your sister. of course you'd want to go back to how it was back then."</p><p> </p><p>with a low whine, nico removed his hands from his face. "thank you." his voice was thick and hoarse, and percy laughed when he slapped at his own throat. "you know, it's not - so bad. being - in this time. not when you're here." percy took a moment to process, but when he did, a smile started growing on his face. "and hazel. and rey - you're not special, i just thought -"</p><p> </p><p>he was flapping his hands around, and it reminded percy eerily of the boy he used to be. "hey," he interrupted, catching one of nico's hands in his own, "i'm glad you feel that way, neeks. and i'm glad i make it a little better, and a little easier."</p><p> </p><p>nico made a <em>tch</em> sound and turned on his heel, walking away. percy caught up to him quick and wrapped his hands around nico's shoulders as they strolled through the area. there were quite a few people milling around as well, but not many as far as percy could tell, busy talking about the buildings when nico stopped dead in his tracks.</p><p> </p><p>"this," he breathed out, barely a whisper, "this is it." with what looked like reverence and awe nico placed his palm against the dusty outer walls of the house. "i - i remember. me and bianca and my mother - we -"</p><p> </p><p>his voice trailed off, like his lungs had given out. percy looked up at the house - it was nothing too fancy, and looked a lot like the other buildings in the district, with numerous rectangular windows lining the levels. curtains hung from the inside, vibrant lemon yellow standing out against the rather dull blueish grey of the rest of the walls.</p><p> </p><p>it was so easy to imagine nico, young and impressionable and <em>happy, </em>action figures bundled up in his hands as he raced down the stairs, carefree. he could imagine bianca, old enough to be a guide for her brother but not nearly old enough to keep him safe, to be alone.</p><p> </p><p>"it's beautiful, nicky," percy whispered, breath hitching in his throat, before they both fell silent. nico was running his hand up and down the surface of the wall, like he was testing to see if it was real. his fingers came away dirty and grey but he didn't stop staring, hyperfixated at the house in front of him.</p><p> </p><p>he toyed with nico's hair, scratching at the nape of nico's neck. "percy," he started, sinking into his touch, "i know you were the one who insisted, but i'm sorry i made you come all the way here for something so stupid. it's not a big thing -"</p><p> </p><p>"it's a big thing to you." percy's hand slid from the back of nico's neck to his cheek, and a hint of surprise bloomed in percy's chest when instead of shoving away he leaned in closer, letting percy swipe his thumb across the bottom of his red-rimmed brown eyes, almost honey-like in the sunlight. "so it's a big thing to me, too."</p><p> </p><p>nico looked at the house one more time, before turning back to percy, eyes comically wide like a cartoon deer's. they both leaned in, laughing awkwardly in confusion when their foreheads bumped against the other's. "can i -" percy's voice gave out on him, but nico nodded, just barely, like he understood.</p><p> </p><p>and that was enough. percy pulled him forward by the waist, and their lips met once again, soft and sweet and slow like it had been on the montserrat. he raised his hand to tangle through nico's hair, stroking the back of his head, and nico relaxed into it, humming contentedly into the kiss.</p><p> </p><p>just when percy closed his eyes, his finger caught on a scar mark drawn into nico's skin, and they both snapped out of the daze. percy traced the line of his lips and looked to nico, who was backing away, panic-stricken and confused once again. </p><p> </p><p>"don't run away, nico," percy pleaded, done with chasing after him; instead he stayed with his feet rooted to the pavement, sneakers flat against the ground as nico's eyes started to glaze over. "i just want to talk, please. can't we do that." he held out his hand.</p><p> </p><p>nico closed his eyes, letting the tears trail down his face. when he opened them, they were filled with fear, and pain, an expression he seemed all too often throughout the years percy had known him. too often. he had been a child, forced to grow up too fast. they had all been children, every single one of them.</p><p> </p><p>he wanted to help. wanted to rush forward and hug nico and tell him that it would be alright. except he was too afraid of scaring him away, so he restrained himself and stayed as still as he could be. "i don't -" nico started stuttering, mouth twisted into a scowl, "i'm -"</p><p> </p><p>percy wasn't surprised when black tendrils of darkness started to gather around him, shadows waving unnaturally in the light. he gritted his teeth and jumped into action, grabbing hold of nico's hand just before he started to fade away, like paint in water. nico jerked his head toward him, growling, before they fell into each other and into the void.</p><p> </p><p>it was, well, dark, in the shadows, and percy couldn't see anything - but he could feel nico's hands on his shoulder, wrapped around his arm. the shadowtravelling was different, more spinning instead of falling, and he felt nico's feet kick and flail against his legs. when the shadows retracted both of them collapsed against the ground.</p><p> </p><p>his first instinct was to yelp at the rough surface of the ground, moss growing in between stone bricks. they were in another alleyway, and when he squinted, percy could manage to see the hotel they had been in before. percy scrambled to his feet and grabbed nico's leg, dragging him toward percy to prevent him from running away, although he didn't seem to be trying anymore. "go away," he managed to say, before the fight flooded out of him and he fell to the ground.</p><p> </p><p>"why?" percy asked, voice cracking, as he helped nico sit up. "why do you want me to leave so bad? didn't you enjoy that? what, do you hate me that much?"</p><p> </p><p>nico clenched his hands into fists and laughed bitterly, pulling at his hair. "you think i <em>hate you?</em>" there was a hint of painful amusement in it, like the very sentiment was stupid. "you're dumb. always have been, haven't you?"</p><p> </p><p>"well, what else am i supposed to think?" percy hunched his shoulders up and wrapped his fingers around nico's wrists. "you keep running and - pushing me away, so yeah, i'm pretty sure there's a tiny chance that you <em>might </em>hate me!" he sighed and looked away, too aware of nico's eyes on him. "so why do you keep saying yes? just to act so - so weird about it after?!"</p><p> </p><p>"you think i hate you," he repeated, as if he'd ignored everything percy had said, "i don't hate you! i never have!" nico unclenched his fists and swallowed. "i'm scared you will. that you'll figure it out one day and be - disgusted."</p><p> </p><p>it took percy a moment to process this. "figure out... what?"</p><p> </p><p>he watched, entranced, as nico pulled off his jacket and hiked his shirt up, pushing his pants down just a little. there was a drawing, dark and inky, marked into his pale skin - what looked like ocean waves, crashing against a shore, foaming at the crests of it. percy reached out to trace the lines, and nico jerked away.</p><p> </p><p>"stop," he said, more panicked than anything, and percy pulled away with an apology. "i - i know you're disappointed, but you asked for this." his voice turned snappish and hostile. "and i guess... i'm sorry. you probably didn't want it to be this way. didn't want it to be me."</p><p> </p><p>"what are you talking about?" percy asked, hand coming to rest on nico's hip. "i'm pretty happy about this, actually. now i can be with you without worrying about my hypothetical other soulmate ruining everything." he swiped his thumb against nico's cheek, wiping away a tear.</p><p> </p><p>nico looked less angry, more distrustful. melancholic, maybe. like he regretted something. "but you -" his voice caught in his throat, "percy... you don't." he placed his hand on percy's, shaking softly. "you deserve someone better. i'm always running away, and i - you want a home. don't you want that with someone you love?"</p><p> </p><p>"i do," percy said honestly, leaning up to press their foreheads together. "and who better to love than my soulmate?" nico shivered in his arms but eventually closed his eyes, leaning into him too. "can i kiss you?" he asked, and nico nodded, more resolute, as percy smiled back.</p><p> </p><p>it was good. it was good every time. their feet scraped against the ground and their knees knocked together and nico's cheeks were way too warm under percy's hands where they gently stroked the skin below his closed eyes, and it was good. nico was laughing into it, and it made his heart soar, the quiet sign of his happiness.</p><p> </p><p>when they pulled away, nico cleared his throat. "i'll probably never be good enough, but, uh -" he scratched behind his ear, face as red as a pomegranate (not the best comparison, maybe), "- i guess i'd like to try this with you. or whatever." he shrugged, awkward and unsure and so utterly <em>nico </em>that percy's cheeks were starting to hurt from smiling.</p><p> </p><p>"can you shadowtravel us to that hotel room?" percy asked, ruffling nico's hair, "and, you know, hope nobody's in it, or else that would be really awkward..." nico laughed into percy's shoulder and they whirled away into the shadows, percy running his hands up and down nico's waist to remind himself that he was there, with him.</p><p> </p><p>they both fell onto their knees on the carpeted floor. percy reached up and turned the handle, swinging the chain over to make sure the door was locked. when he was sure it was locked, percy turned back to see nico sitting on the bed, tapping his sneakers against the floor.</p><p> </p><p>"no idea," he murmured, biting on his bottom lip as percy sat on the mattress beside him, "you have no fucking idea, okay, how long i've wanted this." nico leaned down, burying his face in his hands. "i wonder how long this'll last before you realise i'm just a failure." he smiled weakly.</p><p> </p><p>"probably not ever, because you aren't," percy said matter-of-factly, and the honesty in his voice must have convinced nico at least for the moment, because the sad, self-deprecating look faded away a little. "nico. you're the strongest person i've ever met. seriously."</p><p> </p><p>nico's breath hitched. he looked up and smiled at percy, like he was grateful for something, before pulling him in. percy drummed his fingers against nico's chest, right where his heart was, as they kissed again. he pulled away, tilting his head in a silent question for consent and nico nodded. </p><p> </p><p>with that percy bent down to sink their lips together, tangling his legs with nico's. he swiped his tongue against nico's lips, laughing slightly when he hummed below him. his pale skin was smooth under percy's fingers where they smoothed down nico's chest, around his collarbone, down to his hips.</p><p> </p><p>it was almost surprisingly easy to leave marks, too, dark bite marks and thumbprints a contrast against his lighter skin. this, at least, was nothing new - familiar territory, biting and kissing and everything that <em>making out </em>entailed, just like he had done with annabeth.</p><p> </p><p>except he really did not want to think about annabeth. and distracting himself from that train of thought wasn't hard. at all. not with nico with him, letting himself be happy for once (finally). not when percy could trace the inky black lines across his hips, dedicated to <em>him,</em> and nico would sigh in contentment.</p><p> </p><p>he continued down until his face was level with nico's chest. there was a brown jagged line running across the upper half of his torso, while a strip of bandage wrapped around the one on his stomach that he had received when he had tried to leave camp the first time. the memory made percy cringe, but then again, it had brought nico back to him...</p><p> </p><p>"how'd you get this scar?" percy asked, almost murmuring, lips moving against nico's skin. it seemed to take a moment for the other to register the question, and he blushed in his classical adorable way.</p><p> </p><p>"fought a manticore," he whispered, "it - it took me out. i needed help to kill it because i wasn't - strong enough." nico threw his hand over the scar, like he was ashamed. "it's - ugh. it looks weird, i -"</p><p> </p><p>percy leaned down to trail a kiss along the streak. the skin felt a little rubbery there, like any scar remain was, and it felt a bit weird, but the hitch in nico's breath made it worth it. "i think it looks cool," he managed through the spit in his mouth and coating his lips. nico looked away like he didn't believe him. "really."</p><p> </p><p>nico gave a half-smile, fingers curling and scratching at percy's hair. with his other arm he propped himself up, mouth open and breathing shakily, watching percy with wide brown eyes. "whatever," he muttered, even when percy slid his hands down nico's thighs.</p><p> </p><p>"hey." he shifted up, holding himself above nico and brushing a strand of long, black hair aside. "you'll always be good enough for me."</p><p> </p><p>his eyes seemed innocent, almost child-like, mouth a flat line. nico pushed his face against the pillow, blushing, before turning to look up at percy, black hair splayed out on the sheets and curling around his ears. when nico stared up at him, he was smiling, hopefully. "you think so?"</p><p> </p><p>"i know so," he said. and he did.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this is such a shitty story, and i'm sorry. my future percico ones will be better, i swear. if you want something better check out my leo-centric fics or my request book ;) thank you all of you for reading! &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>